My first novel!
A Soldier’s Embrace is a sweet, yet exciting story. The characters are captivating and the settings are perfect. The dialogue between the characters is well written and realistic. Ms. Romero has written a great historical romance.

Bonnie-Lass
Reviewer for Coffee Time Romance & More

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Thursday, September 16, 2010

Goodbye Poops!

It's been a month to date that my father passed away. I might be bias, but he was the greatest man ever! I called him Poops. My nick name for him was a long time running joke. I misspelled Pops on a birthday card and the name just stuck. How can he gone?

Though my mother is alive, I feel like an orphan. Why is lossing your father so devistating? I still at times feel numb, angry, disbelief but most of all just sad. Sometimes I feel all those emotions at once.

If you read back on this blog, I wrote about the adventures that he and my mom had. The time they went to the grocery store and my blind mother wondered off and my father left without her-then came back a moment later when he got in the car and realized she was missing-only because it was quiet.

And then there was the time they reported the car stolen and for days thought the worst of humanity-how could someone take their car? It took days for them to realize they had forgotten that they parked the car in a different space at their condo unit. When my father found it, he called me laughing, leaving a classic message on my machine, "if you want to hear the funnest story ever, call me."

And then there was the time I was to meet them for my birthday dinner. We both sat in the main room, eight tables from each other not realizing the other was there. I sat there for over an hour waiting, worrying. It wasn't until I heard my mother telling the waitress they were waiting for their daughter who was over an hour late that we found each other. The three of us felt so dumb. One, that we never got up to look around and two, that we all filled up on bread!

My God we're an observant bunch!

To be honest, i thought I'd be prepared for his death, at least a little bit. I wasn't.

I miss him so. My father was my greatest fan and supporter, no matter what it was. He kept score at my soft ball games, clapped with pride at my dance recital and watched with enthusiasm only a parent could have at all the shows I put on in the back yard. My world feels empty without his laughter, his eternal optimism and ever gratefulness. He was such a quiet, gentle man, who smiled through the pain of gout, and frustration of diabetes and the loss of his hearing. If I'm broken hearted, how must my mother feel, dealing now with the loss of a man who slept beside her for 65 years.
I'm homesick for a time I can't go back to, for a person I can no longer call mine. I want to lash out, scream in anger that the world continues on, not caring in the least that a wonderful, kind, generous gentleman like my father is gone. I guess that's part of the grieving.

I pray I never forget the sound of his voice, the feel of my hand in his, or the tightness of his embrace the last time we hugged.

I love you, Poops. I know one thing, if I hadn't have been your daughter, I would have wanted you as a friend. Thank you for everything!

4 comments:

  1. Julie, my heart goes out to you and your family. Our fathers are our real life heroes, the first men we learn to admire. I can only imagine the pain of your loss.

    Last week, my father had major surgery for a gastrointestinal tumor. The surgery went well and he's home now, but what a wake-up call! I will never again take one precious moment with him for granted.

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  2. Julie, I feel so sorry for your loss. Words are inadequate, a hug would work a lot better.

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  3. Julie, I keep you and your family in my prayers. Broken hearted can't begin to sum up your loss. I'm with Eeva, a hug would do much better than words. Just know we are all thinking about you, and here for you when needed.

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  4. Oh Julie, I am so very sorry to read this. I well remember those funny stories of yours - I even felt that I knew your parents.

    Your father was truly a very lucky man, though - to have been loved so deeply was a blessing, and he has left memories that can never be taken.

    This line really got to me: "I'm homesick for a time I can't go back to, for a person I can no longer call mine."

    Be strong, be a comfort to your mother, and remember, always remember.

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